TWO DAYS - TWO
ORPHANS - By Michael J. Lowthorp
- We went to the Riga Zoo Friday. I
spent my time with Tanja (Tanya) and Zhanna (Johnna). These two are the older girls, 16
and 15 respectfully. I connected with Tanja
the most. This connection made me miss my girls because we had so much fun together. I
remember a time when my girls wanted to spend time with me. Now they are more interested
in spending time with their friends. Especially Jessica since she is older. Jessica is now 15 and entering her sophomore year
in high school. When she was a toddler I
nicknamed her BooBoo. Not sure how the nickname was derived. However it stuck and I have
used it ever since. I do not use it much any more though. It embarrasses her, so I try to
be sensitive to her feelings. It’s hard as a father, when you
have been the center of your child’s universe to simply fade into the background of
their world. Seemingly, only being called upon when something is wanted. I miss the affection and the attention she used to
give so liberally. She has become such a
beautiful young woman, and I pray she learns how to balance life between family and
friends. My other youngest daughter Jalene
will be 13 soon and is entering the 7th grade. I fear losing her attention
also. One would think that as a father of
five, I would get used to losing my children’s attention to others. There is no medication available for this type of
“Attention Deficit Disorder.” My relationship with all my kids has
suffered through their teen years due to my inadequate parenting skills. I seem to have pushed them into the behavior I have
so desperately wanted to save them from. Don’t
get me wrong, I have wonderful kids. The three older ones have turned out great. None have
committed felonies. Two are in college. One of which is closing in on her PhD at an Ivy
League school. “God, please help me and guide my
way so I can be a blessing to all of my children”.
My love for all of them has grown so much over the last several days. I have realized that our relationships have
suffered due to my shortcomings, not theirs. I
must work on me to modify their behavior. Anyway, back at the ranch (Zoo). What a great time the three of us had together. The whole time it was “Mi-kell come, Mi-kell
come, loook”. Their accents in English
are so amusing. Each was desperate to show me what they were seeing, especially in the Bug
House. The whole day my attention was going
from one kid to the other. These are such
wonderful kids. I have learned, or was shown,
my short comings on patience for my own kids. I
know now, I will be more patient with the misbehavior of my own children. After the Zoo we went to eat at a
really nice restaurant. These kids never get
to eat out. They were so excited at the
variety of foods. Here, you wander through the
restaurant choosing what dishes you want. Everything
is laid out for you to view. I could see the
excitement in their eyes. All the food was
very good. Like always, I ate too much. We (Tanja, Zhanna and I) finished
eating and wandered through some of the gift shops out front waiting for the others to
finish their meals. One vendor had jewelry
made from amber. Zhanna stopped and just
looked, not touching any item. I was holding
one of her hands and she grabbed my arm with the other hand and started to move to the
next table. I asked her “you like”? She nodded yes.
I then asked “which one”? She
pointed to the least expensive piece on the table. I
will always wonder why that was. Anyway, I
asked her “you want”? Her face lit
up like a Christmas tree. What a joy to see. I do not think I have felt the joy of giving any
more than at that moment. The piece was a thin
leather necklace with 5 to 7 pieces of amber for the pendant. It was priced at one (1) lat which is about $2 .00. Before, I would have had a double joy. Why? Because
it was cheap. That had been my distorted
outlook on giving in the past. I pray that
this change of heart continues in the future. Zhanna could not wait to show off her
new piece of jewelry to Tanja. Bubbly and
giggling, literally jumping up and down she said “Tanja loook, loook Tanja, thank you
Mi-kell”. I then asked Tanja if she would
like something. Tanya is a little older and
more mature than Zhanna. She just smiled and
looked into my eyes. “Pick, you pick” is all I could say. She also picked out a necklace. It looked like a
copper wire with amber spaced evenly every inch or so.
“Very pretty” I said. This was also inexpensive (2 lats, about
$4.00). What a glow and sense of appreciation
they had. Well, I now felt guilty for paying
twice as much on Tanja than on Zhanna. So, I asked Zhanna if she wanted another piece. She chose the matching bracelet to her necklace
which was also 1 lat. So, now we are even. That evening Tanja had changed clothes
and was dressed nicer than usual. There is a
guy I had noticed who hangs out at the orphanage who I later found out was her boyfriend. After not seeing Tanja for some time I started
asking the other kids “where is Tanja”? They
all said they did not know. Well, being a
father of five, I began to suspect something was amiss.
So, I pressed one kid into admitting that Tanja had gone out to a disco with
this boy and she would not be coming back that night.
She snuck out with a boy for an overnight stay. I was hurt. I
had no right to be but I was. I kept thinking
about Tanja all night. So much that it
actually kept me from sleeping well. When she
was not at breakfast I worried even more. The
authorities at the orphanage do not do bed checks at night.
They simply lock the doors. No one can leave or enter at night. Wow! Why
was I feeling like this? God had given me such
an instant love for this kid that my emotions kicked into “Daddy Mode”. When I found her later that afternoon
she was sitting in the stairwell with two other girls. No doubt, telling them of her
previous nights escapades. She would not look
at me. I held out my hand for her to take, and
she did not respond. I motioned for her to
take my hand and then she did. I said nothing
to her. I gently pulled her to her feet and started walking down the stairs to go outside. I still said nothing.
Tanja can understand a great deal of English and can speak a little. Either way, we could communicate. Once outside we headed towards the
back of the orphanage. There is a crude sport
track in back with benches and tables. We sat
at a table still not saying a word. The tables
are about 50-60 yards away so it took some time to get to.
Not once did I say a word, I just held her hand and led her. Once at the table I put both arms around her and
held her. Fatherly emotions welled up in me. I thought “this could be one of my daughters”. I held her for about 7-10 minutes not
saying a word. That seems like an eternity
when silent. Finally, I asked her “where
were you last night, Tanja”? She remained
silent. Again, I asked “Tanja, where were
you? I missed you Tanja!” She then confessed truthfully where she had been. I had no right to ask. She had no obligation to tell. But, she knew I cared. She felt my concern and that was a foreign emotion
to her. Tanja is 16 and has been at the
orphanage for 12 years. She has never known
her father. Her mother is an alcoholic who can
not and does not care for her. What a special
moment it was for us. I began to wonder,
“Would my children have been so honest? At
that age, would I have been with my father?” I think probably not. I have never had this conversation
with one of my kids before. However, God gave me the words.
“Tanja, sex with boys is not good!
Boys, no good! You are special, Yes? God
loves you! Jesus loves you! I love you! We
are all jealous for you. Jesus loves you so
much that he has a special man for you already picked out.
You are 16. Do you want baby now”? She shook her head “no”. “Do you want your baby to grow up here”? I pointed at the orphanage. She shook her head aggressively “No, no”! “Then you wait for man Jesus picks for you. You’re special, and Jesus wants to give you
special gift, a man who loves you in the head and in the heart”. I noticed tears began to run down her cheek. Well, that’s all it took for me to start also. I continued to hold her tight, and we
had a good cry together. I prayed out loud for
her, and I believe she understood every word. We
set there another 10 minutes or so just holding each other.
I was amazed at the intensity of emotions and the heart that God gave me for
this kid. It made me realize even more how
much I love my own children. Sometimes we as
parents take our relationship with our kids for granted.
We forget how hard it was emotionally for us as young teens to deal with
worldly desires. The tug the world has on
teens with drugs and sex and all is tremendous. I
will go home with a new perspective regarding my children. These kids here do not have parents to
nurture and guide them. I’m not sure who
was blessed more in this exchange, Tanja or me? I
suspect it was I. What a beautiful moment. Leave it to God to be able to take this type of
situation and turn it into a moment one can cherish for life. Yet, I hope and pray it will never happen to me
again. Later that day I heard from another
member who had witnessed Tanja crying at lunch. Bobby Hancock, our Associate Pastor
and I attended Tanja’s graduation. It was
held at her school which is a very small school. The
9th grade class consists of one room. There
were 30 kids graduating that day. It was held
in the Auditorium/Gym/Lunchroom slash everything else room.
There must have been two hundred people in attendance. All the girls were in beautiful dresses with their
hair done just right. All the dresses were
bright single colors; peaches, limes, oranges, purples.
Everyone had beautiful bunches of flowers. At the orphanage here the kids do not
even own the clothes on their backs. The
orphanage has this large room full of donated clothing.
Tanja found a plain off-white colored dress that fit. Although her dress was plain at best, she was the
most beautiful young lady at the event. Her
face was radiant. We who attended (me, Bobby,
a translator and Elvita, a 13 year old from the orphanage) were so proud of her. Her smile was as big as any on the stage. Wow, what a day. As I wrote these remembrances of these two days
events I realized this was just two days out of 10 we had already spent there. Every day was as filled with joy and emotion as the
next. It was not common for either our team
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